“It’s ten forty-five, almost time for the Brooks Bomb. I told Payne on Friday that this would be your first day back but he had meetings out of the office all morning.” I said.
I turned to head back to my office but stopped as Morgana yelled out for me. “Maybe I’ll take an early lunch. You up for it?”
I was about to tell her no, that I had some work that needed to get done when the elevator doors opened and out walked the last person I wanted to see, ever, Edgar.
Then I would be forced to talk to him about the new hire for his department. Something easily done via email. Instead of face-to-face where I would have to try desperately to control my hormones. It was hard to not turn into a giggling mess with his deep voice acting like a Siren song. I always tried to be aloof, but I had a feeling he didn’t care anyway.
Before he saw me, I turned back toward Morgana and nodded my head. “Sounds great.”
“Okay, let’s go. Oh wait, is that Edgar? Hey, Edgar.”
I was surprised by how fast Morgana could move considering her height. She was like a red blur blazing past me and before I knew it, she had Edgar deep in conversation. His perfectly sculpted blond hair just brushed the tops of his ears as he ran his fingers through them.
He had long hair when I first started to work here, but last year he cut it. I appreciated both styles, but I missed his long hair. Something about it made me want to run my fingers through it, fist it in my fingers, and scream “mine” to anyone who passed.
I sounded barbaric. And sad. Mostly sad.
Holding my ground, I refused to move closer, not on principle because what was I arguing about? Lunch? No, I was hungry, but I lacked the strength to resist Edgar’s charm. Especially when he smiled and those dimples appeared.
Dimples of sin I called them. I wanted to lick them so much.
“Hey, Evaleen, Edgar is going to join us for lunch.” Morgana waved me over with happiness radiating out of her pores. I wish I could glow with happiness. The only time I glowed was after I had danced a few songs at a club. Also, my makeup usually melted by then, and my pit stains were large enough by that point that tadpoles had been known to form, even when I wore a tank top.
What I’m saying was I got swamp pits but, hey, I glowed.
Edgar’s dimples were on full debauchery mode. That was, until he saw me. I guess Morgana left that part out when she invited him to lunch. He probably would have declined the offer if he knew I would be there.
“Dreary Evaleen Bechmann? No, thank you,” he’d say. I was always surprised when he knew my name considering how unhappy he appeared around me.
It wasn’t just his dwindling smile but how his eyes gazed at anything but me. Like he was trying to find an escape from the worst thing ever, me.
It wasn’t great. It especially wasn’t wonderful when Morgana conveniently stood by the elevator buttons when we were moving down to the bottom floor, forcing Edgar and me to stand next to each other. I could smell his cologne.
His mouth watering, manly man scent.
I took deep breaths, not because I was about to hyperventilate (but that was an idea to get out of this lunch), but because I wanted to inhale all of him.
My mouth watered and I knew my neck was red without even glancing into the reflection of the metal elevator doors.
I turned my head to face the wall and tried to fill my lungs with non-sex god air, but it wasn’t working. Perhaps if I scooted toward the wall, inching farther away from him, I wouldn’t want to lick him so much?
Thankfully, I didn’t have to make that decision as the elevator dinged and opened on the ground floor. Cool, platonic air breezed around me and I began to feel human again.
That was until he placed his hand on the small of my back to guide me out of the elevator, causing my lady parts to spasm uncontrollably. I think they were having a seizure from too much hotness.
I coughed. Actually, I tried to suppress an eruption of humiliating giggles that would have embarrassed twelve-year-old girls, with a cough.
It worked. He dropped his hand and the lower half of my body went into a deep depression. The top half of my body felt relief tinged with bitterness.
The chill of the Chicago air solidified me. What if I’m not sexy or beautiful enough for him to notice like he did every other woman he came in contact with? He slept around anyway. Even if he did seduce me, I would just end up heartbroken anyway.
“Here we are. Chuck’s Sausage Shack. I am so thankful I can get a good sausage right next door anytime I want.” Morgana smiled as she held the door for us.
“I sure do love to suck on tubular meat during my breaks at work,” I said without hesitation.
That time I coughed for real. I hadn’t meant for that to come out of my mouth. It was there in my head and then my mouth decided it was the perfect time to give it a voice. I blame Morgana. Who says they are thankful to get good sausage? She was practically begging me to embarrass myself like that.
“Let’s hope,” Edgar said. My eyes narrowed at him but he had turned from me.
Cool as always. Nothing fazed him, not even a frumpy co-worker making blatant and not very good penis jokes.
He was just casually glancing around the place scoping out a table.
“Crap. Looks like I got to head back to work. I just got a text from Mr. Payne telling me he needs to meet with me since it’s my first day back. Sorry.” Morgana frowned, shoving her phone back into her purse and pushing out the door.
After watching the door close, I turned to Edgar. He was staring at me, grimacing.
“Look, if you have something to do we can just order food to go,” I said, trying to offer him a way out. It was obvious back at the office he was only agreeing to lunch because he thought it would be him and Morgana. I’m not blind. Morgana was gorgeous and sexy and exactly what a player like Edgar would be into. I think it’s a little shitty that he would go after someone his best friend, Payne, was obviously into, but that was none of my business.
Now we can order food for lunch since we are already here and then go our separate ways.
Edgar smirked. His dimples deepening as his gaze drifted languidly to my lips. “Now why would I miss out on the chance of watching you suck on some tubular meat?”
My lady parts were seizing again.
I hear a deep guttural snore vibrate from between my thighs. What the hell? I start to push at him but he is quite heavy. Finally I manage to squirm out of from under him.
He fucking passed out! Oh my god!
I push my dress back down and stand to figure out what to do. He is face down in the cushions of the couch and I know if he throws up he'll suffocate. Crap, I have to move him.
"Brain? Oh Brain? I need some help here." I whisper to myself. I can sense the glare from my Brain, it's not happy.
"Oh NOW you want me to help you. I seem to recall telling you not to do this, but NOOO you had to get your groove on." My Brain folds its imaginary squiggly arms at me and huffs.
"Brain, stop being an ass and just help me!"
"Hey, don't get me involved." My Butt calls out.
"Fine, you want my help; get him lying on his side on the couch. That way if he pukes it will fall to the floor. You also might want to stay with him for a while to make sure he doesn't vomit or roll over onto his back."
I roll my eyes at the task at hand. First I try wrapping my arms around his chest and lift. He doesn't even move an inch. The man must weight like 500 pounds because I almost broke my back with that move. I may have a bit a muscle on me...alright it is fat that I pass off as muscle, but Mr. Payne is too much for my 5'6" 150 lbs frame.
Standing back and assessing the situation I figure he is already partly on the couch, so if I can just push his bottom half on it should be good.
With all my might and my shoulder, I push Mr. Payne onto the couch and roll him on his side. Stepping away to admire my work I realize how sweet he looks asleep. His brow isn't creased in a constant scowl like normal. Mr. Payne's relaxed face is sexy and cute at the same time.
A thought pops into my head. A very dirty thought.
"Don't you even think about that Morgana!" My Brain starts its warning.
I ignore her and kneel down next to him. Very carefully I unbutton his pants and pull down the zipper. Looking back at Mr. Payne I see he is still sound asleep. There is a thrill that races through me. The excitement of getting caught and of looking at the forbidden.
My smile grows as I push past his briefs and tug it out. It's thick and still semi hard. My thumb follows the veins to the tip as my fingers play. It's growing in my hand and my eyes take it all in as if this is some new found discovery leading to the cure for cancer.
Instantly my excitement turns to fear as I hear voices coming from outside. Quickly I shove his member back into his pants and zip him up in haste. Due to my recklessness with his pants and parts, the zipper catches on something. From the way Mr. Payne shoots up off the couch I suspect I know what the zipper caught on.
"Aaaa! What the fuck!" He screams while fumbling with his fly and staring at it in shock.
My heart is pounding now and I am whisper screaming in my head for my Brain. All she says to me before I watch her speed off in the Ferrari, "You stupid bitch!"